What to do if you suspect that your gerbil may be a Cyrbil (Cybernetic Gerbil)

1. Do NOT panic.
2. Do not tell anyone about your suspicion. Without irrefutable evidence,no one is going to believe you.
3. Remove the suspicious gerbil and put it in quarantine, away from other gerbils. If the subject is in fact a cyrbil, it is imperative that it cannot be allowed to make more of its kind. If this is not done immediately, you may soon have a cyrbil epidemic on your hands.
4. Subject the gerbil to ALL of the following tests. If a majority of the tests yield positive results, your little buddy is a cyrbil.
A: Firmly stroke the gerbil with a powerful magnet. If the gerbil acts strangely, i.e. it is glued to the magnet and unable to move, then it is either a) a cyrbil, or b) has eaten some metal. If this is the case, quickly remove the magnet from the gerbil's vicinity or you risk giving your furry friend a second navel.
B: Place the gerbil in a freezer for twenty-four hours. If the gerbil is still ALIVE: it is either a) a very hardy gerbil, or b) a cyrbil. If the gerbil is GONE: your life is in grave danger. Whether it is a cyrbil or not, it will be very mad and out for revenge. Learn to sleep with one eye open. If the Gerbil is DEAD: it was a perfectly ordinary gerbil, and not a cyrbil. Please disregard the following steps and turn yourself in to the nearest police station on charges of animal cruelty, you sick, inhumane bastard.
C: Put your gerbil in contact with a computer mouse. If it attempts to procreate with it, it is probably a cyrbil.
D: Place the gerbil on your computer's keyboard. If it moves around and looks curious and interested at its new surroundings but otherwise ignores the keyboard, it is probably a regular old gerbil. If it starts to hack into your computer's account and proceeds to download and e-mail pornographic images to random people in your contacts list, it is either a) a cyrbil, or b) a very pissed gerbil. If you have already subjected the suspicious gerbil to all of the previous tests, the latter explanation is probably to correct one.
5. If the previous tests have shown that your gerbil is, in fact, a cyrbil, and not a figment of your paranoid imagination, call the humane society immediately. Tell them that you have a rabid gerbil on the premises, since the truth will probably be too much for them to handle.
6. If the humane society hangs up on you, which they very well might, call the local SWAT team. Tell them that you have a rabid humane society employee on the premises. When the SWAT team arrives, tell them that the humane society employee was bitten by a rabid gerbil and that he has escaped. Once the helpful cops have riddled the cyrbil with a hail of deadly bullets and have thrown its remains into a fire, they will then proceed to hunt down every single member of the humane society, looking for the "rabid" one. This should provide you with some satisfaction, since the bastards hung up on you.